I had a baby.
I rocked pregnancy. I rocked labor. And now I had a newborn baby to care for.
When I was pregnant, it seemed that everyone had a piece of advice. Most of it was unsolicited so I just smiled and nodded. It fell mainly along these lines: "Don't expect to sleep at night...or during the day...really, just don't plan to sleep," "He will cry inconsolably for hours and hours and hours," "Each outfit will only get a few hours of wear before the poo and spit-up make an appearance...and that goes for your own outfits too," etc. Sure I was told that he'd be really cute and I'd love holding him, but that was rarely the focus of conversation. I was starting to wonder if having a baby could really be worth it.
I'm tired, but not in the way I expected. I'm tired of people solely depicting the hardships of being a new mom. I'm angry, but not for the reason I expected. I'm angry that people don't talk much about the sweet moments of parenthood. They mention the funny: I knew having a kid would grant me funny stories, but I didn't know about the sweet. Maybe it's because many of the sweet moments have an almost sacred feel, but I wish I'd known that they'd happen so frequently. My goal is to share ALL of motherhood: the sweet, the exhausting, and the things I learn along the way.
Maybe you know/knew exactly what to expect with your first baby and think that I'm overdoing it. If so, you likely had plenty of experiences with babies before your own. That is not my story. I'm the youngest child of 5 and I'm the first to have a baby. I babysat some, but had no idea what to do with babies so I didn't enjoy it. This post is for people with a more similar background to me, or anyone really, who wants to know what makes being a mom worth it.
Sawyer is already 2 months old, but I want to start at the beginning. Thankfully, this is possible since I write in my journal every day. I write his age, his milestones, our routines, and my feelings. I haven't missed a day since we got back from the hospital (I am unabashedly tooting my own horn at that) and while Sawyer is currently only 2 months old, I've already referenced it several times.
Things you should know before reading The Baby Diaries:
1. My entries will be blunt as I think it is ridiculous that our culture leads us to be embarrassed over our bodies doing what they were created to do. I'll make a point not to be overly graphic, but there are a lot of things that I wish people would have told me that happen during childbirth or with a baby that they held back due to embarrassment.
2. This is MY story. Yours will be different, but you likely have some similarities. For example, becoming a mom has been a very spiritual experience for me, but that may not be the case for everyone.
3. There will be some things I won't share, particularly if it involves someone else, like my husband. Some of these experiences are very personal and I think justice can still be done for you, dear reader, in simply knowing that there are things that I, a very open writer, see as too dear to display to the public.
Here we go.